Through An Old Timer’s Eyes

The Endeavor News
by Howard ‘Mac’ McDonald

January 2 was not only the second day of the year, but also my wife Shirley’s birthday. I didn’t wine and dine her, but we did dine and we did spend a nice day together.

About the only thing that you can get for someone who has been your constant companion for 60 years is a trip to a fine restaurant. I believe this woman would swim a river of fire for a dinner of coconut shrimp, so a trip to Sprague’s in Portville, N.Y., was in order.

Our meals were excellent and the service was first class. Everything must have satisfied her, because on the trip home she did not once jam on the non-existent brakes on the passenger side. Only one time, as we passed through Eldred, did she share her personal opinion about my chosen driving speed.

Since Dec. 21, the days are growing longer but I don’t think we will much notice the difference until the end of February. When the sun goes down this time of year, it sure does get cold. The change seemed to cloud up my crystal ball, so it’s hard for me to see what the future will bring for us.

I just hope that 2011 is better than 2010. A lot of people of notoriety passed. I lost my hero, my brother, and a very good friend. Besides taxes, death is one sure thing that we all have to face.

The way the government is messing with the tax laws, only the Good Lord will be able to do your tax forms. Oh, how we need a flat tax. It would make things so simple. A common sense solution, but it will not come forward because there is no common sense in our politicians.

The weather in the Midwest has been horrific. Tornados don’t usually occur at this time of year, but nothing should surprise us. With all the natural disasters, it makes me think that the old boy on high is mad at us.

When the pharaoh of ancient Egypt disobeyed God, God sent a poison gas that slew a large number of Egyptians. I am wondering, with all the gas drilling that we’re expecting around here, if it could happen to us.

North Korea is saber-rattling and threatening to start a nuke holocaust. If they did this awful thing, would the U.S. strike back? With the incompetent leaders we have, I doubt that we would. Some North Korean civilians might get killed.

With the policies we have now, no one is afraid of us. Our henhouse way that we have been conducting the war in Afghanistan sure makes us look like a bunch of sissies. Our leaders are a bunch of wusses.

The royal wedding that is going to take place in Jolly Old England has all the romantics tiptoeing around Buckingham Palace. The tabloids will publish thousands of pages on this event.

Those British people are really something. I see where musician Elton John, or should I say Sir Elton John, and his partner are now blessed with a baby boy. No further comment.

Did you hear the one about the boy who was born with a golden screw in his naval? Every day he prayed for the Lord to remove the screw so he could be a normal person. One day he was lying on this grassy knoll praying. All at once, this cloud broke formation and, spinning in a clockwise motion, came down and attached itself to the golden screw. In a counterclockwise spin, it backed the screw out and returned to the heavens.

The boy was amazed and thanked the Lord but when he stood up, his butt fell off. The moral of this story is be careful what you pray for, as it might come true.

Read this story and more in this week’s edition of the Endeavor News.